Kids say funny, amazing, blunt, insightful, crazy things. Hearing these things has been one of the many unexpected thrills of parenthood. These little people are so full of surprises and depth. I have been jotting notes through the years of some of our girls’ doozies, but it probably isn’t necessary because our family language has evolved to incorporate the best of them.

At the age of around 2, Bailey had a habit of cruising by me as I stood at the stove cooking dinner. She was only a little above knee high, so she couldn’t see what I was doing up there. She’d walk by and say, as if only to herself, “I smell things.” Scott and I have expanded and overused this phrase. When we hear footsteps or voices upstairs after bedtime, we say, “I hear things.” And of course we’ve had our fun with “I smell things.” Sometimes we also see things. It never gets old!

bailey 2

It’s so fun to watch as they discover things about their bodies. One night at dinner, 4 year old Delaney, usually very animated, said in a flat tone “I can make two of stuff if I go like this with my eyes.” She then slowly crossed her eyes. I wish I’d snapped a photo of the eye-cross. The focus! Bailey informed us one day at around age 2, “I have a new nose pose,” and then proceeded to pinch her nostrils together and breathe in to make her nostrils collapse. Nose pose. You can’t make up this stuff! Later, Bailey hit her fingers hard on the edge of a cabinet or something. I said, “Aww. Did you hurt your fingers?” She said, “The knees of my fingers.” I said, “Oh, your knuckles?” She answered, “Yeah, my nickels.” And then, of course, there is the “Mommy your bottom is huge” incident that you can read about {here}.

Language and pronunciation is another joy. Bailey loved the show JoJo’s Circus when she was 3. She used to play-act the circus opening. She’d walk through the kitchen announcing dramatically, “Ladies and gicklemen, boys and gluhs!” After going to the rain forest exhibit at the California Academy of Sciences, which is in a spherical structure, Bailey informed my dad, “We goed in a ball of nature.” Bailey once informed my Grandma that she was sick. “I have the flute.” Once we were asking Delaney to stop being a devil’s advocate and Bailey asked, “What’s a double dablicate?” One day when Delaney was frustrated about something she said “I’m about to blow a basket!” (I’ve blown many baskets since then.) And she once predicted that someone was going to “haywire” a car.

girls

And sometimes you get such a clear glimpse into their minds or personalities. Just after she turned 5, Delaney shot me this stunner from the back seat of the car as I was absentmindedly driving down the road, “Mommy, are we real or are we just being dreamed? I’ve always wondered that.” Well, it took me a minute to compose my less than brilliant reply. “We are real.” What more can you say? During a road trip, the girls were in the back watching Flicka and listening through headphones, ages 5 and 7. After a long silence, Delaney said to Bailey, “She’s naughty. She’s not supposed to be in there.” Bailey paused and then replied, “Everyone’s naughty once in a while.” This coming from the girl whose first word was cheers. Delaney’s first was uh-oh. At age 8, Delaney asked for a snack. I suggested a banana. She said, “Well that won’t fulfill my dreams.” I understand those dreams.

delaney

Then there is the perfect description of something you’ve been experiencing your whole life but never thought to put into words. At age 9, on the first day of summer vacation, Delaney slept late. She was telling us how nice it was to sleep in “but then my dreams started going low quality, so I woke up.” Spot on.

And then all at once they seem grown up. The things they write are so rich and profound. Delaney wrote a book this year as an English project for school. The assignment was called This I Believe. They chose 6 of their beliefs and wrote essays or poems to explore or defend those beliefs. The books were then illustrated and bound.

She wrote about the importance of smiling, loving our enemies, standing up for what you believe, integrity, God, and family. Here’s an excerpt from Delaney’s essay on God:

I believe in God because I see him all around me. When I hear a baby cry for the first time, when I stare up a one-hundred-foot tall sequoia tree, I see God. When I look into the sky on a dark night, I see a million stars and think of my Creator. I marvel at the complexity of the human brain, the human eye, the human body, and I see God. I look at the love I give and the love that people give me and I know it starts with Jesus.

Last year at family camp, Bailey took a song writing workshop. She didn’t say much about it, but as soon as we finished unpacking the car back home, she disappeared into her room and resurfaced with a recording of herself singing her song complete with keyboard accompaniment. It’s about the subject of time and about Scott having a hard time with her growing up. It’s so heartfelt and beautiful. I tried to convince her to allow me to include at least some lyrics, but she was having none of it. She’s very protective of that song.

clock

In fifth grade, Bailey wrote a book. It’s called Agents of the I.J.I.A. Delaney got it printed as a surprise for her birthday.

Here is an excerpt from Bailey’s book:

Prologue

“Get in there!”

The grumpy guy wearing a suit shoved me into a box. Well, I guess it wasn’t really a box, more like a really tiny cell.

How I got there, you ask? Let me start from the beginning.

Chapter 1

It all started with my chores.

“Go get the mail, Syd!” my mom hollered from her office, “Even though I’m not your real mom, you still do what I say!”

Oh gosh, another famous Mom joke.

She is an accountant and most of the time busy.

It was a chilly day, and the breeze felt cool against my cheek. I love September!

As I walked down the long, curvy road to get to the mailbox at the tip of our neighborhood, I heard somebody whispering quietly.

I listened closer. No, the person was not whispering, they were crying.

I walked to where the voice was coming from. As I got closer, I realized that it was a female voice.

As I arrived at the source of the sobbing, I softened slightly. This was a young girl, no older than 11 wearing all black clothes. She was rocking back and forth in a ball.

“Who are you?” I asked softly. She didn’t answer. “Are you lost?” She nodded. In a voice barely audible, she added, “I don’t have anywhere to go, so I guess I am.”

“What’s your name?” “Bethany,” she whispered. “Where are your parents?” I asked. “Dead. They died yesterday.” In an even softer voice she said, “Car crash.”

I was about to try to comfort her when we heard the screech of a car. She grabbed my hand. “We have to go. Now!”

We started to run but whoever was in pursuit was much faster. They caught up instantly. One grabbed me and one grabbed Bethany.

“You’re coming with us.”

The amazing thing about having children is that they are so much more than we are. And they are so much more than we ever imagined they would be. I’m just on the edge of my seat to see what’s next!

What is your best kid quote?

 

2 thoughts on “Funny Things Kids Say…The Mouths of Babes

    1. When my daughter Katie was about 3, and we were in the checkout line at Costco, she got mad that I would not let her have something, of which I can’t recall at this point . She promptly screamed out in her loudest voice, “My mommy is the wicked witch of the West!”
      Before I could even gather my wits, every eye in the store was on me. I usually like attention, but this time I couldn’t make it out of Costco fast enough.

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